Lulu

The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Bull

My friends, beware of THIS.

At first glance, one might assume that Miss Kitty is an affectionate, adoring creature who is capable of cross-species bonding.



Please.
Let’s not lose our heads over one photograph.

For one thing, Miss Kitty is a CAT. It is unnatural, if not unlawful, for cats to lie with dogs. We all know the lion sleeps, but NEVER with the wolf pack and...
to ensure that such a thing NEVER happens...
they naturally reside in distinctly different biomes.


Secondly, when it comes to cats, things are not as they sometime appear. Cats are master manipulators. Consider the proximity with Old Yeller there. Looking at the photo, I might take a gander and say that Miss Kitty is afraid of the dark. This can’t be the case, however, because Miss Kitty is a she-beast with razor sharp talons for defense. Three seconds is all it takes to rip a victim's eyeball from its socket or slice a rodent down to the abridged version of Gray’s Anatomy of a Mouse.

Okay. A need for warmth, perhaps? Could Miss Kitty be chilled by November’s raw dank nights? Hardly. The humans are forever petting, scratching, and pampering her. Warm laps beckon her, warm hands stroke her. Besides, Miss Kitty is a cold-blooded creature by choice.

If it isn’t for love, warmth, or protection, why then, would Miss Kitty lie with Old Yeller? Why, you ask?

It’s simple really. She’s a bully. Not the “bigger-than-you-punch-you-out” kind of bully, but the carefully calculating, well-paced insidious kind that undermines you and tries to make you feel excluded from the pack. You know this kind, I’m sure. The “I’m-your-best-friend-one-day-but-today-I’m-HIS-friend-and-you're-NOT-Ha-Ha-Ha” kind of bully. The worst kind. The kind that thrives on making unsuspecting victims green-eyed-monstery kind of jealous.

So. Am I a victim?

I think not.

Little does Miss Kitty know that I prefer not to be in the same room with Old Yeller when he naps. Very soon, if not already, Miss Kitty will discover that her friend for the day is the grand master of stench. Yep... Ole Yeller there can fill a room faster with rank noxious fumes better than any political candidate in an open forum.

Miss Kitty can play this one out for as long as she is able, but I suspect a thick green cloud of lethal gases is enveloping her pretty little head as we speak, and the general outcome will prove more than fatal.

Oh... that's right! I guess I should also mention that the deli egg salad somehow managed to disappear from the fridge and found its way over toward Ole Yeller's big shiny bowl. Tsk tsk. Who needs opposable thumbs when you've got dumb humans?


Hang on, Miss Kitty... it takes a LOT to get even with the likes of Kaluah-lu.
Let the games begin!

8 Comments:

  • At 5:31 PM, Blogger Dirk_Star said…

    I kinda liked it here!

    http://softspot69.tripod.com/Home.htm

     
  • At 1:23 AM, Blogger Dirk_Star said…

    Actually, I have two dogs and one cat.

    http://softspot69.tripod.com/Home.htm

     
  • At 5:41 PM, Blogger Buster the Wired Fox Terror said…

    Without Miss Kitty you would not have Kitty Treats. I was thinking about getting my own so I could enjoy chowing at the big box.

    Bussie Kissies
    Buster

     
  • At 10:36 PM, Blogger Fu Fu said…

    Hum.. I hope ms Kitty behave herself..

    ~ fufu

     
  • At 11:49 PM, Blogger Ray & Jay Monkey said…

    The only place cats should come before dogs is in the dictionary !!! Unless of course you eat all the treats yourself and then blame the cat.
    Lulu, it looks like Buster is raining on your parade. He has done a post via the email link that we mentioned to you. Shall we kick him into December as well as in the gonads.....give us the word, send an email.

     
  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger Chelsea said…

    I heard that kitty cats like to ignore people but, hate to be ignored themselves.

    Just ignore her until she realizes who is boss!

    XOXOXOOX
    CHELSEA

     
  • At 2:12 AM, Anonymous Fergus said…

    Lulu...Fergsus here. My experience with one Mr. Cat...he waits...patient bugger he is....until I get up to get a drink of water. Then he goes and displaces me! Lies right down in the center of MY bed! The worst part is this. I let him do it! Compensatory kindness I suppose. I'm too tired to be ashamed. Good night...and good luck

     
  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger Ivy said…

    wowie! wut a skary kind of cat bully miss kitty is! i wuzzent fooled for a minnit by that photo. the glowing red eyes are the windows to her evil kitty soul!

    i hope her plan back-fires on her in the stinkiest way possible. tee hee!

     

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home