Lulu

The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Who Is Better Looking?

It's no contest, right?
In fact... you might say that both photos are one and the same dog, but the photo below shows the dog AFTER the bench press accident.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Big Back Yard


This looks like a really good place to bury my bone, but you can NEVER count on Old Yeller's hound dog instincts. The last time I tried to hide Miss Kitty, he totally exposed my plan.

Yes, I do have a fairly decent backyard. It's not that I'm ungrateful, mind you, but it is what's ACROSS the street from my home that has my attention. Yeller and I know the front yard is off-limits, but it's kind of hard to throw hints from a distance. If anyone has an idea on how to convince a human to install one of THESE (see photo below) in the backyard, please let me know.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Bull

My friends, beware of THIS.

At first glance, one might assume that Miss Kitty is an affectionate, adoring creature who is capable of cross-species bonding.



Please.
Let’s not lose our heads over one photograph.

For one thing, Miss Kitty is a CAT. It is unnatural, if not unlawful, for cats to lie with dogs. We all know the lion sleeps, but NEVER with the wolf pack and...
to ensure that such a thing NEVER happens...
they naturally reside in distinctly different biomes.


Secondly, when it comes to cats, things are not as they sometime appear. Cats are master manipulators. Consider the proximity with Old Yeller there. Looking at the photo, I might take a gander and say that Miss Kitty is afraid of the dark. This can’t be the case, however, because Miss Kitty is a she-beast with razor sharp talons for defense. Three seconds is all it takes to rip a victim's eyeball from its socket or slice a rodent down to the abridged version of Gray’s Anatomy of a Mouse.

Okay. A need for warmth, perhaps? Could Miss Kitty be chilled by November’s raw dank nights? Hardly. The humans are forever petting, scratching, and pampering her. Warm laps beckon her, warm hands stroke her. Besides, Miss Kitty is a cold-blooded creature by choice.

If it isn’t for love, warmth, or protection, why then, would Miss Kitty lie with Old Yeller? Why, you ask?

It’s simple really. She’s a bully. Not the “bigger-than-you-punch-you-out” kind of bully, but the carefully calculating, well-paced insidious kind that undermines you and tries to make you feel excluded from the pack. You know this kind, I’m sure. The “I’m-your-best-friend-one-day-but-today-I’m-HIS-friend-and-you're-NOT-Ha-Ha-Ha” kind of bully. The worst kind. The kind that thrives on making unsuspecting victims green-eyed-monstery kind of jealous.

So. Am I a victim?

I think not.

Little does Miss Kitty know that I prefer not to be in the same room with Old Yeller when he naps. Very soon, if not already, Miss Kitty will discover that her friend for the day is the grand master of stench. Yep... Ole Yeller there can fill a room faster with rank noxious fumes better than any political candidate in an open forum.

Miss Kitty can play this one out for as long as she is able, but I suspect a thick green cloud of lethal gases is enveloping her pretty little head as we speak, and the general outcome will prove more than fatal.

Oh... that's right! I guess I should also mention that the deli egg salad somehow managed to disappear from the fridge and found its way over toward Ole Yeller's big shiny bowl. Tsk tsk. Who needs opposable thumbs when you've got dumb humans?


Hang on, Miss Kitty... it takes a LOT to get even with the likes of Kaluah-lu.
Let the games begin!