The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Saturday, October 07, 2006

It’s Downright Embarrassing!

This week’s posting is devoted to the poor wretch of a dog who suffers humiliation at the end of a leash. Those of you who are unfortunate enough to be walked after dawn by a pajama-clad human know EXACTLY what I mean.

Sometimes it’s pajamas; sometimes it’s sweats that should have found their way to the car waxing cloth bin many moons ago. No matter the breeding, dogs can, and often do, find themselves accompanied by humans in attire unfit for criteria on Blackwell’s worst dressed list. Certainly, you cannot dispute the mortification of a dog being walked on the roadside with a woman sporting a head full of jumbo pink plastic curlers.

And while we're on the subject, not only are dogs disgraced by human apparel, but also by human behavior.

Pity the poor dog walked by the no-pooper-scooper human who suffers the disgusted looks of drivers-by for obvious reasons. Worse yet is the human escort who strategically puffs a pocket with one hand to simulate the appearance of the hidden plastic baggie. For a dog, it’s downright embarrassing to be on a leash with a socially slipshod human on the other end.

Then there are dogs who have no choice but to leave their business on the neighbor’s lawn since that is where their humans - leash in hand - deliberately pause and wait. If given that choice, dogs would much rather mark their own territory. Dogs know full well that marking the neighbor’s lawn clearly sends a mixed message to all parties involved. Often this situation results in a phone call or a visit from the offended neighbor who wrongfully comments on the DOG’S bad habits or obvious lack of manners.

And what about
the business of the atypical human who meanders along puffing on a cigarette or sucking a brown stogie? It just LOOKS bad, you know? I mean, for Dog’s sake... you’re finally out for a walk! At least, give SOME semblance of routine exercise.

On an even more profound level, dogs can find themselves in exceedingly embarrassing situations, quite unexpectedly, when out with humans. Take the following scenario, for example. A dog blissfully trots along on the sidewalk attached to a leash, held by its owner. Suddenly, the dog is approached by a strange human walking from the opposite direction. As the human nears, the dog is inclined to do what comes naturally: it immediately sniffs at crotch level to explore the personality of the strange human.

Sad to say, this basic form of doggie communiqué has been known to be blown way out of proportion by humans in general. They are inclined to overreact when dogs exchange a greeting in this way. How embarrassing for a dog to have its owner violently jerk the leash to pull its head away, followed by the usual stream of explicatives or a loud and lengthy reprimand. In either case, the dog is made to feel entirely guilty and thoroughly disgraced for simply saying hello to a new human along the way.

So, then. What have we learned?

We have learned that humans not only embarrass themselves. They always take hostages. But… whether they act out of fear, desperation, recklessness, or just plain ignorance, we love them anyway. It’s our job.


  • At 12:55 PM, Blogger Chelsea said…

    Mama's guilty of the pajamas (Which she is convinced look like track pants and she pretends to ignore all the people pointing and laughing and muttering insults about her pajamas)
    However, my Mama never does a fake stoop and scoop. Mama hates when other dog owners don't pick up.
    One time she forgot the poop bags and used a leaf to pick up my poop. I'm a small dog. Small poop.


  • At 1:20 PM, Blogger Buster the Wired Fox Terror said…

    Ahem I too have a you-man transgressor. Just because we live on a small private dead end street "she" thinks it is okay to take me o-u-t at night in just a t shirt and panties. Hello! Do you realize how much the jerk on my collar when you jump into the bushes to avoid car headlights hurts my neck?

    But I must admit, I do find peeing on the neighbor's paper every Sunday morning enjoyable. Mommy insists, I perform. Doesn't the guy ever realize that's not really dew?

    Bussie Kissies

  • At 8:54 PM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Chelsea, dahlink..

    Your "mama" is one of the rare ones. Obviously, you were rightfully chosen to be the pampered pet of high-brows with good taste. *Nuzzles*

    Buster, cutie:

    Hmm.. I'd say your human is one of those who knows better than most because she makes covert "night runs" when no one can see her attire.. or lack thereof. I failed to mention that NO clothing is far better than some of the things humans choose to wear. You know.. you have to appreciate the human who revels in his or her primal instincts beneath a full moon. The no panties thing can be quite liberating for a human. By the way, does she howl?

  • At 9:03 PM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Oops... Buster,

    On second take, I see your human WEARS panties with the tee. I was thinking of myself as the druid I tend to be.
    Maybe she'll eventually forget the panties, which would be a good thing. Once those go, she might eventually toss the tee as well and enjoy a return to her former naked ape status. That way, you both can prep the neighbor's paper for his morning coffee.

    Love ya,

  • At 2:56 AM, Blogger Fu Fu said…

    Woh.. I've never seen my family wear pajamas out of the house. But Eil did told me she saw some people wear their PJs to market. haa..

    ~ fufu

  • At 3:46 PM, Blogger Sid the Dog said…

    J is guilty of avoiding showers for a couple of days, not because she doesn't want to take one, but because of becoming trapped in a grading/writing vortex. You'd think a walk with me would encourage proper grooming habits.
    Oh, and all is well. Had to go on a long road trip to visit J's parents, so no time to blog. Thanks for the concern!

  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Sam I Am said…

    Dog doofus!! The great thing about dogs and other animals is that they come with a sweater all ready on. You don't need to clothe them to keep them warm, just don't plan on taking a weimy for walks in the snow. I wish I had a built in sweater, sadly I only came with a light coat :( woof-woof

    Lot's of Lick's

  • At 10:22 AM, Blogger fee said…

    miss lulu,

    what spot on observations! some people in my neighbourhood NEVER bring a poop bag and as a result, i have to be yanked left and right just to steer clear of them.

    and the show offs too. we have here, a scantily clad man – no shirt, tiny shorts with slits all the way up – who forces his embarrassed dog to jog round the neighbourhood with him.

    eek! funny humans!


  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger Simon said…

    Lovely LuLu, you are spot on. If poopbagger tries to wear her "workout" pants on my walks I like to give her the "gave up on life, huh" look of shame. I mean really, black pants with white stripes down the side are just one step away from white baggy sweatpants and untied white hightops. All I'm asking for is a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Not for me, for her own dignity.

  • At 5:40 AM, Blogger Scuba the Muscle Boy said…

    Hi Lulu

    My mom says you are so drop dead gorgeous. She loves anything with bull terriers (i.e. staffordshire, english).

    If Singapore (that is where I live)allows your breed, I am sure she will get one.

  • At 8:00 AM, Blogger Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said…

    Lulu, you are great ! I love your outlook on life :-)


  • At 8:50 PM, Blogger Ray & Jay Monkey said…

    You should be so lucky - at least your human wears some sort odf clothing to cover his private parts. Our human owner (not to mention any names) "streaks" around the block and expects us to keep up with him !!!

    Hey, we think you will make a great world leader for a month. You are in the running - You have got chubby cheeks - the sign of an honest "being" and you say whats on your mind !!!

  • At 12:23 AM, Blogger Ray & Jay Monkey said…

    We're.....back !!! Did you miss us ? Ms.Ostrich has stepped in as leader for October - check out our "All God's Little creatures News".
    Are you up to been leader for November !!! Get your human owner, if she is out of the haystack to send us your email address as you can post via email once we give you the secret word.

  • At 1:43 AM, Blogger T-man said…

    My mom wears her sweats and funny sandals on our morning walks. I don't long as they're quick to put on and gets us out the door quicker, that's OK by me :) I want everyone to look at ME anyway. My mom is just the bodyguard.


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