The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Recipes by Lulu

Well, friends, dare I say it? Yes, it’s time to bring summer to a gentle, loving closure. Nights are longer, days are cooler and the leaves are turning to reds and yellows. (For us dogs, anyway. Brown doesn’t exist, remember?)

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, appetites increase during these cooler days of autumn. All things considered, this is part of a natural process. Our recent ravenous appetite is a direct vestigial link to our mammalian cave dwelling ancestors and their readiness for hibernation during the endless bleak winters of an earlier time.

My purpose in writing today is to share two of my favorite “cooler weather” entrée recipes with you. Those of you who are skilled in culinary arts may wish to try these on your own, but I should warn you that some tasks require specific manual dexterities and the use of opposable thumbs. You might consider enlisting the help of a human, if you can get one off the couch.

Beef Stew

• 4 pounds stewing beef – leave fat ON!

• NO onions

• 3 - 4 cans (approx. 10 1/2 ounces) condensed beef broth

• 3 cups diced potatoes

• 2 cups diced carrots

• 6-8 fresh kitty turds, all litter removed, cut into 1/4-inch pieces

• seasoned salt to taste

Place beef in a large pot. Exercise caution in sampling so not to disproportion the additional ingredients. Add beef broth until liquid level is about 1 inch above the beef. Add potatoes, carrots, and kitty turds. Gently stir mixture with a very large spoon. (You will need opposable thumbs. Get a human to do this!) Add salt to adjust flavor. Cooking is optional, but remember to pour mixture in a bowl that will accommodate neck length.
(Serves 2 large dogs, 4 small breed)


• 4 (7 ½ ounce) refrigerator biscuits

• 1 (16 ounce) jar pizza sauce

• NO onions!

• 2 – 4 pounds of your choice of pizza ingredients:
Italian sausage, pepperoni, hamburger, Canadian bacon, ham, liver, chicken, salmon, tuna, knockwurst, frankfurter, lamb, pork, veal, fresh kitty turds (remember to remove all litter)
• 16 – 24 ounces mozzarella cheese

• 16 – 24 ounces cheddar cheese

Cut refrigerator biscuits into halves or quarters. Stir together in a supersized bowl with pizza sauce. (Again, you will need opposable thumbs! Get a human to help with this!)
Add desired pizza ingredients to the bowl and mix well. Spray 9 X 13’’ pan with vegetable spray. Pour in pizza mixture. Bury the mixture with cheese. Crumble additional kitty turds on top for added flavor and presentation. Bake, if desired.
(Serves 2 large dogs, 4 small breed)

My friends, I do hope you take the time to treat yourself to eating well. Remember, presentation is very important! Your human will continue to serve you cardboard tasting science diet from a bag or jellied obscure body parts from a can ONLY if you allow it.

Don't you deserve an enticing, well planned meal after a day of guarding the home from unwanted solicitors? You would do well to remember, too, that Chopin and candlelight are NOT solely reserved for the top link in the food chain. Bon appetit!


  • At 8:33 PM, Blogger Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said…

    I am definately gonna print these out and wave them under the humans nose - that beef stew sounds pretty yummy :-)


  • At 9:43 PM, Blogger Buster the Wired Fox Terror said…

    I like the litter on the kitty poop - it makes em non-pareils.

    Oh she is beautiful AND she cooks!

    Bussie Kissies

  • At 2:09 AM, Blogger Ayatollah Mugsy said…

    I will encourage my humans to make these at once (now that the sun is down). Thank you for sharing your culinary expertise.

  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Sid the Dog said…

    As I suggested to Wally re: his recent post about his recent attempts at cooking, I totally think that the Food Network needs shows for dogs. Your recipes have a real flair and I think your personality would transfer well to cable. "Lunch with Lulu," "Amstaff of Life," "Cat Turds to Go," and "Lipsmackin' Cat Turd Snackin' with Lulu" are just some of my title ideas... My one question concerns the availability of kitty turds. Are there specialty markets where we can get a hold of the special ingredient? We are a cat-free home and don't even know anyone with a cat right now. Do you have a mail-order service?

  • At 8:33 PM, Blogger Chelsea said…

    Wow I am salivating just reading the ingredients!

    Mama's gonna blame Papa for getting drool all over the computer....hee hee. She will never suspect it was her precious angel.


  • At 12:29 AM, Blogger Fu Fu said…

    Hey Lulu,
    That's so nice of you to share your recipes with other doggie friends. ;)

    ~ fufu

  • At 9:41 AM, Blogger Tin Tin Blogdog said…

    Lulu my galpal,

    gorgeous in the brain, gorgeous in the kitchen.

    I've totally to clean up this keyboard with all the drool I've dribbled just readin' your dogpost, babe...

    Hmmmm, don't think I'd get my ma to cook this up. Maybe my da.

    I can't say I've ever tasted kitty turds so it really does bring an element of je ne sais quoi to the whole recipe.

    Could that be exchanged for just kitties in there? Even fully grown?

    Just thinkin'.

    Chow for now,

    Tin Tin xo

  • At 10:06 AM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Thank you, thank you,and thank you all for your insightful responses.

    Opy: I may have you to dinner if you can't get them to help. I'd love to see that face of yours across a white linen tablecloth illuminated by candleglow.

    Buster: Sweet thang... your energy is such a turn on. You're right.. non-pareils they are, but you have to like "chunky." I prefer creamy myself.

    Mugsy love, I'm unclear: do you not eat meat after the sun goes down or were you fasting when you wrote that response? Either way, your sense of discipline is awe-inspiring. Given that you are not fasting and say...the sun is up... are you ever inclined to steal a few slices of bologna from the countertop when they're not looking?

  • At 10:19 AM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Sid! Sid! You make my heart beat like a cicada's wings in an August death dance! Wow.. you certainly raised a good point. Not a bad idea! Between your tax exempt religion venture and a kitty poop mailorder service, we both could invest in third world oil and end this human fiasco once and for all! Hmm... what about this blurb for an online service:

    "Wonderfully rich and delicate, KittyTruffleT paste is created using both light and dark turds, to please all taste preferences. Just use a small amount to infuse the unparalleled earthy and captivating headiness of kitty turds into any of your culinary preparations."

    It may be a bit of work to monitor the litter box more than I'd like, but on down days I could sneak a few raccoon turds from beneath the back porch. Yes.. I like this idea!

  • At 10:27 AM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Chelsea Sweetpea,

    Would you be offended if I told you that you look like YOU'D have some rather sweet tasting droplets yourself? I'm not sure if that is Kosher or not. I should ask Mugsy.

    Fufu: Come to think of it, Fufu..

    naaaaaaah. There isn't enough of those little specks to warrant a swallow. BTW, you're just too cute.

    Tinny! One day I'd love to get together with you just to count your spots. Maybe you don't have any, but it would be fun. You're so laid back... I'd love to get both you and Buster in the same room. It would be the Yin and Yang of kinetic energy. I digress. Perhaps you and Opy can come to dinner someday soon. I'll keep you in mind, my friend.

  • At 3:05 PM, Blogger Sam I Am said…

    my darling!!Your making me drool,Talking about all that yummy food!sniff-sniff

    Lot's of Lick's

  • At 6:51 AM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Sam! If I were knew YOU were coming, I'da baked a cake! Miss you, you studmuffin!

  • At 12:37 AM, Blogger Sid the Dog said…

    Props on the KittyTruffleT paste idea! Kind of like the black and white cookie from Seinfeld... I was also thinking we could whip up some sort of essential extract of kitty turds for baking.

  • At 11:55 PM, Blogger T-man said…

    Can rabbit dropping be substituted for the kitty turds? We can't get kitty T's in our local outdoor market here, but rabbit D's are in abundance.


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