WRONG!! Think again, you silly humans!
Boy, does he EVER have you fooled.
This sly fox sleeps with both eyes open patiently waiting for unsuspecting humans to politely disappear so he can overturn that questionably dog-proofed garbage can. With the speed of a voracious predator, this clown rummages through trash before returning to his spot with that “Is it time to get up?” look on his face. Of course, fingers point at me everytime.
And THIS wily devil! A seller of snake oil! A furbag of fraud and deceit! This scheming con artist deserves an Oscar for his starring role as the poor ill-fated kitty, abused and rescued by new humans. His fur is a matted mess crammed with burrs and assorted unnatural debris. Do you think he would let anyone comb it? Not a chance… it might lower his sympathy barometer. It’s not enough that humans continuously bestow offerings of food upon this phony feline, but they also let him snooze on their bed at a most inappropriate alpha height level.
He works as a constant reminder that humans bear the shame and guilt of a thousand lifetimes. And…everyone knows… if humans aren’t happy, their dogs suffer.
Now this one… where do I begin?
Miss Kitty is a whiny little goody-two shoes princess that really gets my goat. I mean, just LOOK at her. I don’t trust her as far as I can fling her and that’s pretty far! Once, when I was a teensy weensy puppy, she TOLD me to chew up the antique chaise lounge foam mattress, which, I might add, was custom fitted. I gnawed a decent chunk from one of the corners as little pieces of foam covered the entire floor. Everywhere. Foam was everywhere.
I remember how this little shrew egged me on, heated by the excitement of it all. That’s when my human walked in and found me…only me… with the evidence. The cat had disappeared and I caught it good. Real good. I'm still waiting for that perfect day when Miss Kitty decides to take a swim in the pool... when no one's watching.
Ah. Now THIS is a true-blue friend.
Teddy never gets me in trouble. He is never mean. He never gets mad or jealous. Best of all, I know if I leave him on the floor in the den, he’ll be right there when I come back.
Thank you, Teddy, for being a friend I can trust.
I love you.