Smart IS Sexy!
Regardless of what the human media industry would have you believe, I'm here to tell you that smart IS sexy!
Actually, the two go paw in paw.
If I were not blessed with exceptional reading comprehension and writing skills, I’d probably be content to nibble fleas and chew on table legs. My literate background, however, enables me to derive great pleasure from reading high-quality literature that flutters the heart and stirs the soul.
Take this poignant piece by poet William Cowper, for instance:
OK, Tucker, you win.
My arm got tired of throwing the ball
before you got tired of scrambling up the river
bank to fetch it. OK, Tucker, you can come, too.
Since you open the door with your clever snout
I'm not about to shove you back in. You win
the beauty contest, the most finicky eater award,
and the like-a-dog-with-a-bone prize; you win
the first-one-in-the-car sweepstakes. Look,
Tucker, we had no choice when we squared off
in your adolescence, we had to get along, it was a live-
and-let-live situation, both of us in love with her.
OK, I bribed you with biscuits and rides;
you conned me with a handshake and a smile.
Remember hide-and-seek in the cornfield,
the jack-in-the pulpit, the lady slipper?
That week at the beach with smelly gulls
wrapped in slime and tangled lines of seaweed?
Old girl, you chased the phantom squirrel
up the slope again and again, returned
slack-jawed, refused to come off the porch,
stood your ground in freezing November rain,
showed your dog's teeth when I showed my human
fear and for good measure ran circles around me--
when I was her woman, but you were her dog.
As the wordsmith I tend to be, I find this poem profoundly romantic and downright affecting.
On the contrary, here's an obvious attempt at smut written by one such John Hegley:
I saw you in the park
I wanted to be your friend
I tunnelled my snout
Up your non-barking end
I do realize that Hegley’s work might be humorous to you male-types, but I would hope that you see it for the crass pick-up line that it is.
Shall we ask Sir Hegley if he has difficulty sustaining relations outside of mating season? We girls know the answer. The fiddle can’t compete with the Stradivarius. For us ladies, it is the deeper, richer, purer, authentic, impassioned, INTELLIGENT experience that will win us over everytime.
There's still fire in this old girl yet,
please remember to play it smart.