The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Monday, August 28, 2006

Smart IS Sexy!

Alright, Loveys...

Regardless of what the human media industry would have you believe, I'm here to tell you that smart
IS sexy!

Actually, the two go paw in paw.

If I were not blessed with exceptional reading comprehension and writing skills, I’d probably be content to nibble fleas and chew on table legs. My literate background, however, enables me to derive great pleasure from reading high-quality literature that flutters the heart and stirs the soul.

Take this poignant piece by poet William Cowper, for instance:

OK, Tucker, you win.
My arm got tired of throwing the ball
before you got tired of scrambling up the river
bank to fetch it. OK, Tucker, you can come, too.
Since you open the door with your clever snout
I'm not about to shove you back in. You win
the beauty contest, the most finicky eater award,
and the like-a-dog-with-a-bone prize; you win
the first-one-in-the-car sweepstakes. Look,
Tucker, we had no choice when we squared off
in your adolescence, we had to get along, it was a live-
and-let-live situation, both of us in love with her.
OK, I bribed you with biscuits and rides;
you conned me with a handshake and a smile.
Remember hide-and-seek in the cornfield,
the jack-in-the pulpit, the lady slipper?
That week at the beach with smelly gulls
wrapped in slime and tangled lines of seaweed?
Old girl, you chased the phantom squirrel
up the slope again and again, returned
slack-jawed, refused to come off the porch,
stood your ground in freezing November rain,
showed your dog's teeth when I showed my human
fear and for good measure ran circles around me--
when I was her woman, but you were her dog.


As the wordsmith I tend to be, I find this poem profoundly romantic and downright affecting.

On the contrary, here's an obvious attempt at smut written by one such John Hegley:

I saw you in the park
I wanted to be your friend
I tunnelled my snout
Up your non-barking end

I do realize that Hegley’s work might be humorous to you male-types, but I would hope that you see it for the crass pick-up line that it is.

Shall we ask Sir Hegley if he has difficulty sustaining relations outside of mating season? We girls know the answer. The fiddle can’t compete with the Stradivarius. For us ladies, it is the deeper, richer, purer, authentic, impassioned, INTELLIGENT experience that will win us over everytime.

Ah, yes.
There's still fire in this old girl yet,
but gentlemen...
please remember to play it smart.


  • At 9:53 AM, Blogger Tin Tin Blogdog said…

    Hey there smart 'n' sassy Lulu,

    so you like poetry huh? Guess mum is a poet. Yeah really.

    But she also reads a lot of poetry, and she's been tellin' me about the funny animal poetry of Ogden Nash. You probably know his stuff?

    Here's a cool one:

    The Dog

    The truth I do not stretch or shove
    When I state that the dog is full of love.
    I've also found, by actual test,
    A wet dog is the lovingest.

    Hee hee hee, says it all!

    Oh actually, another really true one he wrote:

    The Cat

    The trouble with a kitten is THAT
    Eventually it becomes a CAT.

    Chow for now, luvly Lulu,

    Tin Tin xo

  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger Buster the Wired Fox Terror said…

    I just don't get chicks!

    Bussie Kissies

  • At 6:44 PM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Tinny, my love..
    I would very much like to meet your mum. She and I are much like kindred spirits beneath our mantles of fur and skin. I, too, am a poet. Have you seen 'My Ball' and 'Bad Kitty' posting? Yes, yes..I know. I should publish, right?
    Back to Mr. Nash..YES! For a human, he's oh, so fun to read... and hear! His poems are just perfect for reading aloud. Another thing is he gives some really good advice for humans AND dogs, like:
    "I don’t mind eels
    Except as meals,
    And the way they feels.” Ya know, I kinda thought that eels were yucky, because they LOOK yucky, but I have no fingers to feel them. I definitely would not eat one now because I guess they don't taste so good.

    What about his quotes like.. "A door is something a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of?" So true! You can almost guess this man had a few dogs around AND he doesn't seem to like cats much, either. Yay! My kind of human!

  • At 11:58 PM, Blogger Charlie said…

    Here's one that I find disturbing:

    Old Mother Hubbard
    Went to the cupboard,
    To fetch her poor dog a bone,
    But when she came there
    The cupboard was bare
    And so the poor dog had none

    - Charlie

  • At 6:27 AM, Blogger Kaluah-lu said…

    Charliekins... do you have a blog? I can't seem to find it. I've sniffed everywhere!

  • At 1:56 PM, Blogger Sam I Am said…

    Smart IS Sexy and Sassy ..Express yourself! It's a great way to wear and share what’s on your mind.

    Lot's of Lick's

  • At 12:33 AM, Blogger Koda said…

    You look so intelligent in those spectacles. Do you eat the books after you read them? They really do make a wondeful sound when you tear the pages.


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