The Occasional Cavorting and Musings of a Female Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Dreaded Closet Monster

It waits.

I can’t see it, I can’t hear it, but I know it waits.

Very soon, I suspect my human will carry it from its lair for one of those odd wrestling trysts on the rug.

The dreaded closet monster!

For the life of my doggie self, I cannot figure these episodes out. I’ve watched my human and this... this thing... locked in lethal combat: a flailing of coiled and twisted serpentine appendages... a relentless growling, nay... a snARling... that cannot be claimed by neither man nor beast.

The sight and sound of this loathsome creature compels me to save my human from what could be a most unthinkable, unimaginable fate worse than... well, death. For me, both outcomes have similar implications. I mean... who, then, would feed me? Who, then, would open the back door?

I wish my human understood this. She only seems to growl twice as loudly at this fiend whenever I try to protect her from it.

she yells (which is humanese for "STOPITLULU!!!") as she struggles to pull that repulsive segmented neck away from me. Little does she know that if I let go of this sucking mouthpart, she, meaning my human, will be sucked into oblivion. Forever, I think... and forever is a long time without doggie treats. THAT, dear friends, is a clearcut struggle betwixt good and not so good.

Hmm... sucked into oblivion. A mouth-watering thought just came to me.

Oh, Miss Kittttttttttttttttttttty....


  • At 12:06 PM, Blogger Charlie said…

    Ha ha ha ha... what a good IDEA! Oh, Jessssssie.... :)
    - Charlie

  • At 12:18 PM, Blogger Minou said…

    do you think it could suck up my little sister - I never tried.....i know it sucks up our toys all the time..

  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger Ivy said…

    tee hee! i wud like that vishus carpet-eater to suck up a few cats in my neighborhood too! just as long as it dozen suck up my fuzzy toy cat. i like chewing on his head waaaay too much to let the carpet-eater get him!

    good job fighting it off! i haf never been brave enuf to get neer that thing wen it makes its awful racket!

  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger Brody the Bulldog said…

    Yeah - closet monsters suck (no pun intended).

    Rest assured though, no the only one who is working to defeat those menacing closet hermits.

    World Doggie Domination requires that us internet pups must work together so, please, do let me know if I can ever lend a paw.

    Brody the Bulldog

  • At 4:23 PM, Blogger Brody the Bulldog said…

    Er, that should read "Rest assured though, YOU'RE NOT the only one who is..."

    Sorry, sloppy paws...

  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger Sam I Am said…

    Kaluah "Lulu"
    Yes that would be fine ,I see you like to chew the closet monster!
    to, way to go!!Oh, Miss Kittttttttttttttttttttty.... sucked into oblivion

    Lot's of Licks's

  • At 8:48 PM, Blogger Ray & Jay Monkey said…

    I think you all, especially you Lulu, are going to have to give up eating those chocolate bars before you go to bed at night (send them to in a doggie bag - before you eat them not after)I'll keep them safe,in my puku for you, until we take over the world.
    I certainly don't see anything, even with my big glasses !!! By the way I've made you our Environment minister. No pay though - you work for love/nothing.

  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger Fu Fu said…

    Haaa oh Lulu,
    What plans you have for Miss Kitty...

    ~ fufu


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